The 49ers
Part 2 in a series of essays on connection
Connection isn’t confined to familiar faces and known places. Sometimes, the most profound ties are forged in the heart of the unfamiliar, as Matt and I discovered on our Tour of America (aka The American Dirt Road Tour). We left the sunny coast of South Florida, drove through the deep south across the rugged beauty of the plain’s states, negotiated the awesome Badlands of South Dakota, to the majestic Tetons in Wyoming. Connection, now and forever, remains central to what it means to be human.
Forty-nine strangers let me take their picture along the way.
Debbie, Muddy Gap, Wyoming
Forty-nine people who had never seen me before in their lives let me memorialize them in my photo album. I have all their names and the location where I took their photo too. They became my Instagram stories for four-weeks.
A friend of mine who followed our journey via my Instagram stories asked me, “How did you get people to take their picture?”
“First, I smiled. Then. I asked them,” I replied.
I had no idea what was in the heads of the forty-nine strangers when I initiated the question about taking their photo. I invited them into my journey. Sharing that Matt and I were on an adventure I wanted them to be part of the journey with us, however short a time I spent with them. They were as unfamiliar to me as I was to them, but when I see their faces in the photos I captured, I remember where we were.
One young man in the panhandle of Florida had recently had his teeth knocked out, but I assured him I didn’t care and that he was worth being in my photo album. A woman stocking the shelves in a convenience store said, “No one has ever asked me before if they can take my picture.” Another woman told me she felt really ugly and unworthy of me taking her picture; however, I commented to her that nothing could be farther from the truth. Interestingly, almost everyone was excited to be in my photo album, minus the woman in southern South Dakota who insisted her colleague stand in the picture with her. From the sheriff in Antelope County to the manager of the steak house in Omaha, I had a tiny glimpse into their lives.
How were these people different from me really? Yes, they may look differently than I do, but when they climb into bed at night, what struck me the most was, weren’t they thinking many of the same thoughts, just in a range and array of similarities?
Will people accept me?
Will someone love me?
Will I succeed?
Will I fail?
Maybe I should withhold this part of me…will someone find out and reveal it to others? Or worse, mock me or shun me?
Rumble, Medic, and Lazarus, hiking the entire Continental Divide
These observations reflect my stewardship to connection. Connection, in its form laid bare is understanding that we are all one. We are not widgets coming off an assembly line. We cannot have morning without evening, despite those different times of day.
Heather Heying, the evolutionary biologist, author, and educator once wrote, “Let us connect with people whom we have not yet known, or seen, and with ideas that are new to us. Let us be good to one another, while recognizing that everyone is on their own individual path. You cannot know what is in another person’s head (emphasis mine). What motivates another human being, and what they are basing their conclusions on, may be beyond the reach of their own consciousness, much less of yours.”[1]
I agree. Let us connect. Let us hug. Let us embrace. Let us have communion. Let us converse. Let us build community. However, it doesn’t feel simple for a lot of us. For nine trillion reasons.
So many of us are confused on how to even begin. We insulate. It’s much easier to look down at our electronic device to check our texts, the new post we shared, read an email, to stare down at the whatever distraction than it is to face and look out, not down, at the events unfolding in front of our eyes. Unless, of course, a cute someone strolls in front of us, but then we look away again. It’s almost as if we keep our eyes down, our face down, our energy facing down. This insular posture, this shield, lets the world know, we are occupied. We are connected to the device and not interested in connecting with anyone. However, for those who want to connect. How do we break this habit?
It’s simple. It begins with a smile. Try it.
Joyce, Omaha, Nebraska
“Wait. Hold on,” you’re saying. “Don’t tell me what to do. What if I don’t want to smile. You telling me to smile reminds me of my stern grandmother who cared more about decorum than anything else.”
Nope. This is the nopiest nope in Nopeland ever. Silly even.
“If I smile, I might cry,” or “I hate my teeth,” or “I am really ugly,” or “I’m just not happy so eff-off with your smiling nonsense,” or “people will think I’m weird, strange, kookie, peculiar, creepy, repulsive, and gross.”
That’s fair. I’ve had all those emotions myself. All that self-doubt. At the height of my depression, when Matt was fighting in Iraq in 2006-2007, smiling was elusive for me too. A smile felt so out of place and wrong when soldiers were dying in the Triangle of Death. Smiling was a betrayal. That’s what I felt then.
But please, try it. It is not a betrayal. As Mikey’s brothers used to say in the Life cereal commercial, “He likes it! Hey Mikey!”
Feeling grouchy, sad, guilty, angry, ashamed or embarrassed may make us feel more like frowning. We are allowed to feel our feelings. We need to feel them – not shove them down. Feelings are legit. But they do not have to weaken our will.
Spend three-minutes searching on the internet for studies, news, and other blog articles regarding loneliness, disconnection, and desire for more human contact and you will have hours of reading to do. It is rampant across all generations currently living. It’s time to bring power and agency back to ourselves.
To begin with, we must be willing to smile. Thus, connection starts with a willingness. A conscious intentional choice. Consider this: It is up to us to create the life we desire.
When a baby smiles at us, do we turn away? Do we pull out our phone and read a text instead of smiling back? Most probably answer, “no”. We gaze – and perhaps smile – with awe at the miracle and joy of the baby’s smile at us.
Have you ever noticed how a genuine smile can change the energy of a room? Our smiles are not just expressions of happiness—they are powerful tools that connect us with universal energy and our true selves.
Nancy “Boo Boo” McRight, Sigma Chi House-Mother, Ole Miss, Oxford, Mississippi
When you smile, your vagus nerve lights up, sending waves of positive energy throughout your entire body. I’ve never been to Vegas, but in my mind, I have the image of millions of lights twinkling and flashing. It is lit up – like our vagus nerve.
The vagus nerve, often referred to as the "wandering nerve," touches your heart, lungs, and digestive tract, acting as a communication superhighway between your brain and body. This incredible nerve is crucial in promoting relaxation and reducing stress. It carries 80% of the information to the brain from the body. So, if the vagus nerve is weak, then our brain cannot know what to do or how to heal.
As your vagus nerve activates, it sends signals that induce a state of calm and well-being, allowing you to harmonize with the positive energy around you. Smile and feel the energy shift within you and radiate outward, touching everyone you encounter. Your smile is not just an expression; it is a direct path to the heart, both yours and others'.
I was able to take photos of forty-nine people, not because I walked up to them while I was scrolling my Instagram account. Despite not knowing the forty-nine people, I opened my heart to them with a smile. People from Madison, FL, Brundidge, AL, Oxford, MS, Lonoke, AR, South Coffeyville, OK, Neligh, NE, Reliance, SD, and Muddy Gap, WY – all beautiful humans at whom I smiled.
They smiled back. And that made all the difference.
Tori, today’s substack on connecting was so powerful and so timely. If only all of us would smile a little more! Your thoughts and your descriptions about reaching out to people who were strangers shows what is possible if just the smallest efforts are made to connect. Thank you!
love this